Surviving Mother’s Day While Experiencing Infertility + Loss
Holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can bring a unique kind of pain when struggling to conceive, grieving pregnancy or infant loss, or even the family you use to envision for yourself and your partner. No matter where you go— stores like TJ Maxx, card aisles, social media and even your email inbox— you are bombarded with all things Mother’s Day.
Maybe month after month you keep seeing a negative pregnancy test, you’ve experienced failed IVF transfers, had a miscarriage or experienced a stillbirth. To the world, you may not get the same recognition as all the “other moms”. But you are a mom. As Chandler passionately states in the Friends episode "The One with the Birth Mother" (Season 10, Episode 14), Monica is already a mother at heart, "she's a mother... without a baby”. And if you do not have a baby in your arms or belly this May, that does not make you any less of a mom. You are part of a group of women who so fiercely want to grow their family they will do anything it takes, mentally, physically or financially— and that makes you an amazing mom.
Here are a few ideas of how to survive this upcoming Mother’s Day from fellow women who have struggled with infertility and loss themselves:
Opt out of Mother’s Day emails— some companies such as Etsy, DoorDash and Canva have been great with allowing costumers who are subscribed to their mailing list to opt out of Mother’s Day targeted emails. As Justin Bieber says, Hallelejuh!
Take a social media break— if seeing lots of posts may be a trigger to you, it may be a good time to take a little breather from social media or even turn off your phone entirely. Instead of doom scrolling, you could spend the weekend reading your new favorite romantasy series or binge watch a new tv show to stay distracted. Because let’s be honest, staying distracted is a big key to surviving the this dreaded day.
Move your body— focusing on movement is a great way to feel grounded especially if it involves getting outside as well. Go for a run or a walk, try out a new group exercise class, do a Peloton work out or grab your mat and throw on a Yoga with Adriene video in the comfort of your own home. Sweating is also a sure fire way to release some much needed endorphins!
Do something to honor yourself and your journey— buy a new plant or plant a garden, buy yourself some flowers, engage in self-care activities like a face mask or refreshing, chilled eye masks. Whatever you do, try your best to acknowledge yourself and/or your losses in some small way because your journey to motherhood is HARD and not what you expected.
Give yourself permission to sit out of family celebrations— now this is a hard one that may bring up a lot of guilt. But if taking your own mom out to brunch is not in the cards for you this year, that is okay! House projects, crying on the bathroom floor and just staying home is okay! Not being okay, is okay.
Support is non-negotiable— if you find yourself needing extra support during this difficult season of life, consider reaching out to a therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health or find a free online support group through Postpartum Support International such as one of their Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Groups . Additionally, remember to surround yourself with people in your life who will be there for you in life’s ups and downs. Friends, family and a supportive partner is vital to surviving not only Mother’s Day but surviving life’s toughest moments and seasons.
